I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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