Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
