there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
