She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
