Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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