youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i barfeds in our rink
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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