those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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