You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
