Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
