i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
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its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
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Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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