In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
