I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
