remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
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How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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