Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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