Me. At least after what I've been through.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
