Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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