I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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