sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
