as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
