Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
