I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
