My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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