Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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