i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
