So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
