areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
