I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
