i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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