He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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