week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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