FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
