I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
