May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize