he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
