we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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