Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she was so not down for the gang bang
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
