I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
