Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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