It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
