I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
