I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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