about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
