just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
