Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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