He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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