Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
