apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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