my vag is so smooth its legendary
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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