Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
