Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
