Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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