this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
