I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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