I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
