I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
