There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
