The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Randomize
