I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
