Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
