Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm having to shit out rocks
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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