why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
