I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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