I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
