to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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