now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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