dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
