I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
