what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
