Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
