So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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