You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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