I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
