apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
