Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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