We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
