Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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