That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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