Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
